


my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

by Ravens_World



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, This is NOT a Relapse fic!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29934780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravens_World/pseuds/Ravens_World
Summary: The grip on his neck tightened. The needle broke skin.TK, in that moment, lost all awareness of everything around him.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 6
Kudos: 325





	my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

**Author's Note:**

> This was for a prompt- tk+ panic attack  
> Will I ever stop using Taylor swift lyrics as titles? Probably not  
> Let me know what you think, please!
> 
> Happy Reading 🖤

"Officer Reyes, what do you have?" 

Carlos cut his conversation with his partner short and waved Owen and Tommy closer. "You're gonna need your team in there, fast. It's-" he shook his head. "It's a mess."

Tommy signalled for TK and Nancy to come over, while Owen did the same with Marjan and Paul. The four jogged over, and Carlos took a second to smile at TK, knowing this call would be hard for his boyfriend, and basked in the comfort the smile he got back provided. They followed him, and he briefed them as they walked. "Three students found this abandoned building and thought it was a good idea to get high here." He took the stairs two at a time, and raised his voice to be heard over the pounding of footsteps. "One of them brought his fifteen year old kid brother, and-" Carlos let out a measured breath, and his eyes skittered to his boyfriend, who seemed to be trying to keep his face into a carefully blank mask. It would've worked, Carlos thought, if he didn't know him so well. He could see the dread clear as day in his eyes, could see that his breathing was erratic at best. He tried to catch his eyes, to offer what little comfort he could, but TK seemed lost in his own head. He let him be and focused back on his job. "Another unit cleared the building, and the boys were separated, Brandon Lynch and Dylan Jones are over here, they're high as hell. Adam and Damien Williams are in this room. Adam refused to leave Damien; that's the kid who overdosed. He stopped breathing after me and my partner got here." 

"Do we know what they're on?"

"Heroin." 

When they entered the room, Officer Harris was kneeling beside the kid's body, providing CPR, but there was a sinking feeling in his gut that they were too late. 

"TK, Nancy, you take Adam and Damien. I'll check on the other two." 

TK nodded and got to work, Nancy hot on his heels. They worked well together; their communication almost silent. TK administered the Narcan, and Nancy took over for the officer. Adam was crying hysterically at this point, and TK was staring at the boy like he'd just seen a ghost. 

"TK?" Carlos tried to get his attention, and his head snapped up. He jerked his head in Adam's direction and TK seemed to shake himself out of his daze, moving from his kneeling position to go to the boy. His hands settled on the boy's arms, and he started speaking softly. Adam collapsed forward into his arms, and TK held him, his eyes closed and head tipped forward to rest on the boy's head. 

The change in TK was almost immediate, and Carlos realized that for the first time since he got here, TK looked like himself. And it was all because someone needed him. He lead the boy over to the corner of the room, sat him down, spoke to him while he made sure he was okay then came to take over for Nancy. 

At that moment, his partner came into the room, panting. "We need a paramedic in the other room. You, too, Carlos!"

Nancy immediately got up, and ran out of the room. He gave TK one last look, before he followed.  
.

TK's day had been a normal one, up until this call. Once Tommy had given them a brief rundown, his blood had turned to ice in his veins. He'd spent the ride over silent, dread and fear settling like lead in his gut. 

Seeing Carlos had been a comfort, and not for the first time, he found himself grateful for the man's presence in his life. He was especially grateful for it when he'd entered the room and found the boy's brother kneeling beside him and crying for him to wake up. 

Everything he did after that had been on autopilot; an instinct. 

Once Nancy started compressions, TK had turned to Adam and he'd frozen.

The kid was obviously still a little high, and he was folded in on himself, staring at his brother and sobbing. 

All he could think about was how close he'd come to being in Damien's place; how close he'd come to putting his father in Adam's shoes, having to watch his son die and helpless to stop it. 

"TK?" 

His head snapped up, and his eyes found Carlos'. His boyfriend pointed his head in Adam's direction, a silent reminder, and TK was finally able to move.

He crossed the distance between him and Adam, and knelt beside the devastated boy. "Hey, Adam. We're gonna do everything we can for your brother, but I need you to breathe, okay?" He put his hands on Adam's arms. "Damien's in good hands, I promise." 

"I didn't mean to let him take any," Adam sobbed, leaningg forward into TK's arms. TK held him, and let him cry. The boy kept apologizing, and the grief coming off him in waves was suffocating. Tak closed his eyes, and rested his head on Adam's.

Once the boy calmed down a little, TK helped him stand, then lead him over to the corner of the room, sat him down, and started his check up, all the while explaining what he was doing in a gentle, quiet tone. 

Once he was done, he immediately headed over to Nancy to take over. 

"What's the hold up?" She asked. "We need to take the kid back to the hospital _ASAP_!"

He nodded, but otherwise didn't say anything, just took over for her. 

Carlos' partner came in, panting and her face red. "We need a paramedic in the other room. You, too, Carlos!"

Nancy immediately got up, and ran out of the room. TK was worried, but he focused on what mattered now, which was the patient. There was a rustle behind him, and he wasn't able to even look back before there was a hand around his neck. He opened his mouth to call for help, but then there was a small prick of something metal against his neck and TK froze. 

"You try to scream, you make one wrong move, and I'll empty this whole thing in you. You'll die."

TK's heart pounded against his chest in an erratic, frantic beat, and due to the roar of blood in his ears, he almost missed what the man said next. 

"You're my ticket out of here. No wrong moves, you hear me?"

"He needs my help. He'll die if I don't help him. Please."

"I don't care. Move." 

TK stood up slowly, hands raised in the air. 

"You do as I say, do you hear me?"

TK didn't really have any other choice. He was very aware of how jumbled his thoughts were, how his throat was so dry, he had trouble swallowing.

The arm tightened around his neck, the needle dug just a little deeper into the skin of his neck, and suddenly, he couldn't breathe, and not because of the arm around his neck. 

He was going to celebrate his one year of sobriety in one week. He was excited, and he was proud of himself for getting to that point. He knew, from past experiences, that every day counted, and every day it was a struggle to stay on the right path, though some days were easier than others. 

Right now, with one move, this man could ruin all that TK had built for himself, and he'd be tight back where he started. Tears of frustration, of helplessness, pricked his eyes, and his chest heaved. 

" _Stop_!" That was Carlos. 

TK opened his eyes -when had he closed them?- and came face to face with boyfriend. Carlos looked pissed off and worried in equal measures, but there was also an underlying calm in his demeanor that put TK at ease, if only for a few seconds.

"Put the needle down, and let him go," Carlos ordered him, voice measured and firm. 

The grip on his neck tightened. The needle broke skin.

TK, in that moment, lost all awareness of everything around him.

There was only the painful pounding of his heart against his chest, the blood passing in his ears, his whole body shaking to the point where the man holding him against his chest seemed to be straining to keep him upright.

TK let out a strangled shout when the man dragged him backwards, and stumbled. The next minute was a blur as the man lost his footing, and with TK's unexpected tumble, there was no where to go but down.

There were cries of his name, pounding footsteps, and a sharp prick of the needle in his neck. 

Then there was nothing at all.  
.

When Carlos saw TK and the man holding him hostage disappear down the stairs, it felt like time itself stopped. 

For a second or two, so did his heart. 

But then, instincts kicked in and he found himself rushing down the flight of stairs before anyone seemed to be able to move.

The second he reached him, TK jackknifed into a sitting position and almost headbutted him. "TK? Hey, baby, are you okay?" It was a stupid question, because he was most definitely not okay. TK's eyes were wide, and though there was panic in them, it all seemed distant, like he was there but not there. He was shaking all over, and his chest was heaving like he'd just run a marathon.

TK was having a panic attack.

His shaking hands went up to his neck, and to Carlos' horror, he started scratching at it frantically as he gasped for breath. "Tommy, Nancy! Anybody," he called out, trying his best to keep his head on straight. TK didn't flinch at the loud noise, didn't even seem to notice. Carlos tried to gently take hold of his hand, but he pushed him away and continued his mindless movements. 

"TK! TK, look at me," he pleaded with him, just before he caught his face in his hands and steered it up so that they were eye to eye. "Breathe," he commanded, sounding calm even though his insides were quivering with fear.

" _Ca- I can't-_ " he gasped out.

Carlos caught one of his hands, and was pleased when there was no resistance this time. "Yes, you can. Breathe with me," he told him softly, taking the hand in his and putting it to his chest. He took a few slow, deep breaths, and watched as TK struggled to copy him. His breaths eventually slowed down, though his breaths hitched slightly every few seconds. 

"I'm sorry," TK told him miserably. "I'm _so sorry_."

Carlos frowned. "You have nothing to be sorry for, TK."

He shook his head, and Carlos saw his face lose a few shades. TK bent to the side and emptied the contents of his stomach, then let out a cough that turned into a sob.

Carlos had never felt quite as helpless before. 

He was only vaguely aware of what was happening around him; like Owen standing beside them; TK's former team members scattered around but giving them space; his partner cuffing the man who had attacked TK and taking down the stairs.

None of it mattered though, only TK did.

He helped him up, kept his arms around him the whole time as he lead him out of the building. He sat him down on the sidewalk, grabbed a water bottle and a granola bar from his squad car, then hurriedly jogged over to TK, who hadn't so much as moved an inch.

Carlos offered him the water, but TK stared ahead, unaware. He took his hand and gently put the two items in it. The water bottle fell, and the sound of it hitting the ground had TK flinch. 

"You okay?" He asked him.

TK shook his head. "Everything I worked for- I- it's all gone," TK whispered, tone hollow. "A whole year, and now-"

Carlos was confused. "What are you talking about?"

"What do I do now?" TK cried, his breaths stuttering in his chest yet again. "How do I start all over? I'm _tired_."

"TK, look at me."

He did, and his heart nearly broke at the pain and exhaustion he saw in those green eyes. 

"Tell me what's going on?"

"The needle- he- he-"

Carlos suddenly understood. " _TK, no_ ," he rushed to reassure him. "He cut you with the needle, but he didn't inject you with anything."

TK shook his head. "I felt it. I felt the needle."

"He just scratched you with it. I saw Mitchel bag it myself, TK. Nothing is in your system. And if it'll make you feel better, someone at the hospital will no doubt be able to confirm it."

He let out a shuddering breath. "You're sure?"

"I'm sure, TK, I swear. It's just a deep cut." 

TK leaned forward, his head coming to rest on his knees, and his shoulders began to shake. Carlos put a hand on his back, and ran it up and down the expanse of it, desperate to offer some comfort but unsure if it was wanted. They stayed like that for a few seconds, but when TK didn't calm down, when his sobs became louder, more gut wrenching, Carlos put a hand oh TK's neck, squeezed, then used that grip to haul the other man into his arms. TK came willingly, and he clung to Carlos so tightly that he was sure he would leave bruises. 

Carlos found himself unconsciously rocking them both from side to side, and TK seemed comforted by the movement, so he kept doing it. Without disturbing TK in his arms, he leant down and grabbed the fallen water bottle. Opening it while holding TK took a little creativity, but he made it work. He offered it to his boyfriend, who took it with shaking hands and drank a few sips. 

"TK, you okay?" 

Nancy, now crouched in front of them, gave TK a small smile and squeezed his knee. "The kid is on his way to the hospital, there's a good chance he'll make it. I thought you might want to know." She was holding something back, Carlos was sure, but the was grateful for the news she did bring, even if it wasn't true.

"Thanks, Nancy." 

"No problem." She patted his knee. "And, whenever you're ready, we're gonna be taking you to the hospital."

TK just nodded, then seemed to pull himself together and stood up. He extended a hand to Carlos, who held it tightly, maybe a little too tightly.

He stood up, and together they walked to the ambulance. Tommy squeezed his shoulder when he passed her. "You okay, kid?"

"I'm okay, Cap."

Tommy didn't seem to buy that, but she let it go.

He looked better now, though he seemed exhausted. Carlos put an arm around his shoulders and helped him up. They walked slowly to the ambulance, and once TK was settled inside, Carlos took his hand, and he didn't let go.  
.

Carlos unlocked the door to his house, then jogged back to the car. He opened the passanger door, and to his surprise, TK didn't even stir. He crouched down and ran his fingers through TK's hair, smiling when he felt him lean into his touch. "TK?" His eyes opened to slits, and Carlos smiled. "Hey, Ty, come on, we're home."

He helped him out of the car, and into the house, and with each step, TK leaned on him even more, until he was practically dead weight. 

Carlos pulled back the covers, lay him down gently on the bed, then took his shoes off and lifted his legs up onto the bed. 

Carlos changed quickly, then joined his boyfriend. TK immediately gravitated towards him, and Carlos didn't waste anytime in pulling him even closer. He pressed a kiss to his forehead, and heard him sigh. "Thank you," TK muttered, eyes only halfway open. "For bein' there for all of it."

"Nowhere else I'd rather be."

"Today was-" TK trailed off.

"Hard?" Carlos put in simply. He felt him nod against his chest and hid a smile. "Tomorrow will be better though," he told him confidently.

TK's smile was warm, if a little dopey, and Carlos shook his head and planted another kiss to his hair. "Have I told you how much I love you?"

"Not today," was the immediate answer. 

Carlos frowned, and TK must have noticed because he just shrugged. "It's 12: 30. You haven't told me you love me today."

Carlos rolled his eyes. "You are such a little shit, Tyler Kennedy."

He huffed. "Still haven't said it."

Carlos shook his head, then bent down to catch TK's lips in a gentle, deep kiss that left them both breathless. "I love you, TK." He told him as he tucked him back into his arms. "Even if you are a pain in my ass."

"You _love_ it."

"Yeah," he smiled into his hair. "I do." 


End file.
